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Poetry Selections

 

 

 

 

 

To Tessa 09 10 08

 

Can it be

That we Have circled our fiery mother

Three times As Mr. & Mrs.?

Was there a day

That hinted at boredom?

I think not! Was there a day

That I questioned our union?

I think not!

Was there a day

When I was not

Wildly excited about our future?

I think not!

Not ecstatic at the legacy

We leave Like bread crumbs

Showing a possible, beautiful

Route through the brambled wood?

Not joyful in the moments

Of our rituals:

The hot water and walks in the woods

The flavors coaxed from our kitchen

The late night planning And scheming

And designing

And putting out of fires And the kindling of others?

No, no and no!

Three years and you have been so kind

To accept me

As I am

And I have given myself

To love and respect

The amazing woman and wife

That you are.

We are the product

Of the stellar orgy

Of light and mass,

Bound together

By the will of the universe.

The air that I breathe Is tinged with the scent of you.

The landscape To which my eyes are blessed I owe to you.

My dreams are no longer

Solo excursions.

Your companionship in these visions

Gives me rest and peace.

You are my wool blanket

On cold February abstinence nights.

You are a cool rain

On hot august evenings.

You are the first green tomato

Of summer,

The nutty Moroc of Amsterdam nights.

You are the flicker of candles

Making magic of every night.

Your goodness makes me proud.

Your generosity makes me rich.

Your kisses bless me,

Your touch heals me.

Your trust touches my heart.

Three years

Of no regret.

Three years

Of intense adventure.

Three years

Of a life so gracious

And blessed.

Three years

With your honored company

Only makes me hungry

For the next three.

And the next.

And the next.

With all the sincerity

That living 55 years can muster

Let me thank you

From the bottom

And the top

And all sides of my heart.

I love you.

 

 

What Must One Do

12 03 06

 

What must one do

When he can no longer get warm?

Though he seals himself

Behind tight windows and doors

The November wind,

Gathering cold

As it blows across the north;

The barren and snow covered fields

Of Saskatchewan,

Feels unconstrained

By my home’s thin protestations.

The cover of green life

That adorns this place in summer

Is gone,

An ashen gray mask in it’s place.

Where there was water

The hard unforgiveness of ice

Has taken it’s place.

Even the birds take on

A monochromatic hue,

All save the Cardinal

Who’s vibrant red coloring

Seems less to comfort

Than to mock

Reminding us of what is lost.

It is not bad enough

That we should suffer this

Fridged threat to our flesh

But we must do it in darkness,

Winter stealing the very hours of light

From the world.

Why do I stay in such a place

This gulag of unfortunate climate?

I think it must speak

Of a timidity of my enterprise.

Knowing that warm places exist

Peopled by similarly kindred,

And yet more intelligently motivated,

And certainly more comfortably clothed

Humans of my ilk,

I remain here

Shivering against the ever-present night

Fearful of the wind rattled windows

Wrapped in the woven fibers

Taken ungallantly

From wooly four-legged creatures.

Ceremoniously I plan

My short salvations

My quick forays to warm places,

That will somehow have to satisfy

This shivering spirit

And warm,

If only for a week,

These damn cold feet.

 

 

 

One

 

One, as a number, is so uncomplicated

There are no variations of one

One, singularly, is always what it is

simple, bold, alone.

Two, on the other hand, 

cracks the egg of infinity

a binary cascade of possibilities

that gives life its' varied dimensions

Let's marry our oneness together

and give birth to a playground for love. 

 

Quiet

 

It would be perfectly quiet 

save for the ubiquitous distant bowling of the giants, the waves cashing into rocks

and the crickets harmonizing a wallpaper of sound

and the occasional leaf falling dryly on the bricks

and the plaintive meow of a kitten

living a life of constant hello's and good-byes

and the soft sounds of a Gershwin tune

and water from your shower rolling through pipes

having had the pleasure of your body

save for this it would be perfectly quiet. 

 

ING

 

In the water sunlight's glittering

In trees the birds are tittering

Everywhere butterflies are flittering

while I sit here considering,

frittering with my pen.

The palm fronds fluttering

the ocean's insistent muttering

the teal birds stuttering

surround me while I'm meditating

reminding me of you.

 

For Tessa

 

Last night I asked my love to join with me

to hand in hand create a future new

beneath the moon and near the shining sea

to me her heart she pledged forever true

two paths merging, engaging together

two life stories commingling as one

two hearts choosing each other forever

filing empty pages under the sun

I am a lucky man, it's true, so true

to find a love as wonderful as you

 

Salt 

 

Salt in the ocean

And on the rim of my glass

and in the sweat of my brow, dripping, deliciously to my lips

and the lingering flavor of your kiss, you, walking from the ocean wringing your dark hair

and kisses from the full moon and the endless sun

and the smothering lips of the waves tonguing my muse

cleansing my spirit

like a god-kitten

cleansing his flock

 

New Years Eve 2004 10 lines

 

It is precisely at these times

Where I see in endings

the stuff of new beginnings

that I realize I am most alive. 

Farewell good year that you were

I'm thankful for your gifts

of love and life and lack of loss

Welcome new year

I greet you in respect of your power

I bow, humbly, and ask your grace.

 

A Saturday Night    09 22

 

A Saturday night

when everything's sweet

A perfect evening

A sunset with bleeding tipped fingers

of radiating clouds

exploding across the sky

Only the mosquito-like annoyance

of occasional macho motorcycles

spitting sound like lead

from a pellet gun 

in the distance

My body's chillin'

to a post endorphin skate

where a man who was 

clearly by his nature

predisposed to sarcasm

gave me the thumbs up

and to the effects of 

the first two glasses

of California's finest gift

to us flatlanders

And my mind is luxuriating

in the simple realization

of the deep breathed happiness and 

sincere and grateful peace

filling my soul

 

 

A Little Too Late    05-04

 

 

You with your wicken ways

Cast your welcome to the corners

and for a moment

include me in your circle.

I only want

to ask your forgiveness,

to say I am sorry

for all the things

that were never said.

Lies are never more insidious

than in silence.

I must have worried you would leave me

or not love me

enough

or maybe I was just afraid

you couldn't

or wouldn't

take good enough care of me.

I'm quiet in my needs,

easy to receive from,

but you're right that I back up my options

and

that until the end 

I never dared to trust only you.

I apologize, truly,

and I thank you mostly

for your example of honesty.

That, and all the life

I shared with you. 

 

 

How you do what you do   10 02

 

I struggle 

to build it straight enough

right enough

I struggle

to love the work enough

to make it worthy

I struggle

to find value in my efforts

to find enough 

in every endeavor

to make it count

I struggle

to know what you taught me

that no matter what you do

it's about how you do it

It's not what it is

it's whether or not

it's the best it can be

I struggle

to find the value you found

in effort alone. 

But

I have to tell you

I am teased

I am tempted

I am seduced

by the notion

that what you do matters

as much

as how you do it

Does that

separate me from you

Does that

make me a tree hugger

a true believer

a sissy to every sweet cause

that surfaces

Does that

make me weak in your eyes

a distraction

from what matters

A poseur, a pawn to cripples

embracing weakness

instead of strength

Am I evolved or devolved

Am I enlightened or dulled

Am I a friend of life

or it's worst enemy

Are we 

destined to disagree, now, 

into eternity

 

 

 

good bye  10 02

 

The only difference

is that now

when I imagine

what you might think

I don't have

the potential

to actually

ever know

 

 

Cutting wood  10 02

 

A sane person

sitting all day

cubicled

would think you are crazy

sweating

as you do

hauling wood

dancing with equine monsters

digging holes 

in ground infested with boulders

changing the course of rivers

to please your eye

bringing water off the mountain

to flush your toilets

yea, you're crazy 

all right

but crazy times

conjure crazy people

like you

who remember

what needs really are

what seduces the muscles of the body

what keeps your head

and your heart

and your spirit

alive

sanity is the illusion

effort is all that is real

sweat is the commodity

that funds

the truly living

A tree limb breaks

and you fall

cutting your leg

throwing your saw 

to the side

but you get up

you limp or crawl

to wherever you need to be

you dress your wounds

you drink your luck

good or bad

you survive

yet again

That limb fueling 

the fire

that warms you now

secure

with your vodka and orange juice

and the blood

no longer soaking your socks

you laugh

out loud

at fate

calling it's bluff

inviting it to drink

a drink with you now

in the warmth

of the fire

the limb provides

 

 

Every seven minutes feb 04

Every seven minutes a rosebud blooms

Every seven minutes love's gift's consumed

And a star does fall, and love rings true

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes a wild stags' leap

Is frozen in the mind of sheep

I have fantasies of saying I do

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes a solar flare

Illuminates the universe out there

And turns the black of night into blue

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes the mind of man

Is reborn according to plan

And reminded of what he must do

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes seems to take

An eternity and I can't fake

This longing and love I feel for you too

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes a rooster crows

Fish dart, a volcano blows

And somewhere lover's vows renew

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes I hear a song

That I can't help but hum along

Love and lust a potent brew

Every seven seconds I think of you

 

Every seven minutes your face I see

Your breath I smell and I want to be

In the center of what I know is true

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes an electron fires

My brain awakes, your memory inspires

Thoughts of you that stick like glue

Every seven minutes I think of you

 

Every seven minutes I'm reminded anew

And rejoice in the fact that I know it's true

This realization that we'll never be through

Because every seven minutes I think of you

 

 

 

The Landscape of my life      02 04

 

A Northwestern jet will never look the same

Since I met sister Livia

And the neighborhood near 38th & Grand

Will always be

Where I left my gloves

And had to return to seek

Through the late night smell

Of breaking bread

Bejeweled stoppered bottles of wine

And votives making my table shine

Curtains hanging where once stood

A utilitarian door

Are just a few of the changes you've made

to the landscape of my life

 

A pile of love notes is stacked by my bed

Left under pillows by you

And a beautiful blue stone

Adorns the hole in my head

Reminding me always

Of what we've been through

I have tunes on my I-pod I 'd never have found

Shirts hang in my closet I'd never have worn

My hair smells of grapefruit

My heart's singing praises

Because of the changes you've made

to the landscape of my life

 

So many memories are etched in my mind

Of hot sulfured waters and rolling in snow

Of hot pink backpacks

The sweet smell of nutmeg

Waiting your arrival and watching you go

Dozens of faces I'd never have known

Now inhabit my world

Lighting dark corners

Sparkling

Like small lanterns in a cave

These are a few of the changes you've made

to the landscape of my life

 

Dogs named Lutsen I'd never have known

And thoughts of Thailand would never have grown

And long dark hairs would never have graced

My new linen pillows

And made them feel

So inviting, exciting, so full of peace

This smile on my face I see in the mirror

This love in my breast I feel when you're near

These are the gifts of the changes you've made

To the landscape of my life

 

 

 

To Tessa 12 23 03

 

Bookended births

In a Julian year

Roads converging 

after the miles

anchored by smiles

arms embracing

facing the sun

squinting, glimpsing

futures unwritten

smitten by love

bitten by desire

like a raging fire

fingers writing poems

deliciously long

on skin exposed 

bodies in repose

clothed in wishes

covered in kisses

this is elation

anticipation

suddenly feeling

like expectation

gratefully feeling

this consummation

 

 

Heart Wide Open 12 07 03

 

Eyes sparkling

Soul of a dappled glen

She smiles with her

Heart wide open

 

 

 

Pathology of Scars    11 29 03

 

For me: A flower of passion

left unintentionally

on my desert driveway

A reminder of sweetness

in a world seemingly less sensitive

An innocence with a knowledge of irony

A toast to my greatest fears

and wildest hopes

A chance to swim in warm waters of skin

A challenge to the pathology of my scars

A challenge  to my opposing desires

for independence and comfort

An opportunity to become

better than I imagined

more powerful than I dared dream

happier than I thought possible

resolved in a way 

never imagined

 

 

 

The Driver of the Nail     11 29 03

 

Asleep, passed out, oblivious

I am amazed at

finding myself not

beholden to your influence

but rather

in control of your fate

reluctantly

unintentionally.

You'll dance for me

beg from me

give me everything if I ask.

I'm only just realizing

you don't think you deserve

all the things you haven't earned

and probably you envy

the driver of the nail

that gives you roof

for the realness 

of his endeavor

for the power he has

over his own reality

you envy the simplicity

of his mission

and the joy of

it's accomplishment

 

 

 

Beautiful Aquarian   11 03

 

Beautiful Aquarian

Revolution's Daughter

Ugly bags of 

Mostly water

 

I was there

You know I know

Through good and bad

Through high and low

 

I was there 

Watching the sun set

These things

I can't forget

 

You gave me music

I gave you words

We opened each other's

Respective worlds.

 

We buried pets 

In the woods together

Even in bad times

We felt forever

 

Mazatlan moonlight

Havana's Malacon

Catch a Falling Star

Just one we wished upon

 

They say things change

Move on, move on

But some things you can't

Improve upon

 

Is it essential

To lose the best

When we could choose to

Forget the rest

 

Beautiful Aquarian

Revolution's daughter

Ugly bags of 

Mostly water

 

 

 

 

Trying to be brave  11 03

 

 

Dangerous nights are looming

Winter's stealing the light

Time becomes abundant

Thoughts control the night

 

Activity clouds my thinking

Protects me like a cloak

But winter's rude disrobing

Shows me it's a joke

 

I'm a man without a torch

Entering a cave

Knowing there are monsters

Trying to be brave

 

 

 

Landmines 11 03

 

 

Exploding ideas

a need to express

to be understood

to be heard

to be heard

and understood

 

I miss these

moments of ecstasy

outpouring 

of emotion

my lips to your ears

yours to mine

 

I can't seem to find

an outlet for

these same landmines

gathering 

in my mind

 

 

Chocolate bar 10 03

 

With your love

I am

Like a child in war time

Given a Hershey bar

Nibbling one precious square at a time

Lingering on the sweetness

And the occasion,

The memories

And the promise.

Making it last

As long

As

Possible.

 

Owning this piece of your heart,

Allowed, in rare moments,

To suck on it's sweetness

Is so comforting

In this shell shocked world

That it is unimaginable

To me

To think, to believe

That I may have just swallowed

The last little square.

 

I search the wrapper

In disbelief.

 

Likewise Baby  09 03

 

Likewise baby

you make my cloud 

glow

like sunshine 

 

 

 

Hopeless Romantic 08 03

 

What need is this

crawling 

beneath my skin

that craves the dance

the madness and happenstance

that arrives with 

unexpected romance?

 

Pity the woman 

hoping to transcend

this foolish pleasure

with me.

They had no chance

without romance

for exclusivity.

 

I am a slave to things

stronger than nicotine

more intoxicating

than mere cocaine

sweeter than sugar

and twice as nice

nothing less

could ever suffice

 

Tease me with distance

tease me with time

seduce me with promises

intrigue me with rhyme

Call me at night

from 1000 miles away

and whisper to me suggestively

while your fingers

are mine

and in the dark of my bed

I can bring you to light.

 

Taunt me with the timbre

of your late night whispering

make my body ache for you 

and offer me

the promise of a time

when holding me

you can give yourself

totally (unceasingly) brazenly

and lovingly

to only me

and I'll measure myself

by what I might not be. 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday 09 03

 

Today

the ring of my phone

sounded like your voice

uneasy, sure, 

but validating the nine years

that carried me here.

 

I'm wrestling with the desire

to let you know

how hurt I am

that it never was your call.

I have the uncertain knowledge

that this is what

me not taking care of you

looks like.

 

Safe And Distant Love    08 03

 

Did I wish you into my life

My safe and distant love?

Did I need you so much

I conjured you

Electronic pen in hand

To send me strength

through wires?

 

Did I dream up our encounter

Holding hands beneath

The celestial battle

Of pregnant moon

And northern lights?

 

Did my wounded heart invent you

To heal its rips and rents

And nurse me from my wayward path

To live again

And love?

 

Did my weakened spirit

Awake your sleeping beauty:

Your opening eyes devoured me

Your sweet sleepy breath

Engulfed me

Your soft slow hands

Caressed me

And brought me back to life.

 

Whatever has created you

And brought you to my life

My spirit sings it's praises

My heart is filled with gratitude

My body dances poems to you

My safe but distant love.

 

 

 

 

Allow Me Mine          August 2003

 

Ok, YES!

but...

yes, I want to love you

but...

what about...

I can so easily imagine 

being ecstatic with you

being proud with you

being brave with you

but

what happens to this dream

of having it all?

You can't be everything to me

how do I mourn 

losing

everything but you

without you

trying to own

the emotional opportunity

need 

recognition

acceptance

that I am some things you like

and some you don't

if you choose me 

you choose all of me

am 

not

going to magically become

your fantasy man

close 

will have to be

good enough

love me 

like you would your child:

accepting

forgiving

recognizing that

they are what they are

I

am

what I am

I will try to please you

your happiness

is my happiness

my happiness

could be your happiness

keep me in corn chips

enjoy your own world

allow me mine

take time for yourself

allow me mine

the great man sings

what a wonderful world...

 

 

 

 

After She's Gone    July 2003

 

 

When do I examine

whether I am wrong?

After she's gone?

 

Realizing

in sudden spurts

surfing my wake

gave her more freedom

than

sitting on the dock

without a boat

 

When does she examine

whether she's wrong?

After I'm gone?

 

Principle 

and pride like knives

in my side

fuel my delusion

cause me to

make decisions

without caution

 

When do I examine

whether I am wrong?

After she's gone?

 

 

 

 

A fish nearly caught   07 June 2003

 

 

The world feels different this morning

Like a fish nearly caught

Feels about it's liberation;

hook firmly, permanently, disfiguring it's mouth

trailing leader and line

through unconsidered waters.

 

Does it matter when it's over

that you fought the good fight

if you lost?

Does time itself matter

when it's over?

I'm betting this morning on platitudes

like "endings are only beginnings" and

 "hope springs eternal"  and 

whose ceiling is this and whose floor?

 

You gave me my walking papers last night.

It seems that I am an albatross

laboring under the misconception

that I could be a doorway for you

into a brighter future. 

But I am no portal for you

nor, evidently, you for I

but rather a stepping stone 

alternately praised and cursed,

as you make your perilous journey

across the river of your life.

 

I thought I could be a bridge for you, 

or a boat, 

or that I could carry you 

safely over the churning current.

But you have spurned my arms, my back, 

declined safe passage in my company

for an as yet unknown better alternative. 

 

To your credit you did consider me.

And to your credit you've let me go.

And to your credit I admire your bravery

As you walk away alone. 

 

I am less angry than sad

to be left for nothing  more 

than an unknown, potential opportunity,

not choosing something, simply

choosing not me. 

I am less bitter than scared.

I have for so long been able to consider

the future with only you in it.

So I'll watch you go,

you go girl,

and I'll pretend to be appreciated

and I'll blame you for hurting us both:

rejecting life's' need for tragedy

but acquiescing to the evidence

of its' existence. 

 

And in years to come I will say

we could have been somebody:

should have, could have, 

but for mistakes we both have made.

And maybe in years to come 

this feeling of loss will be supplanted

by events yet to unfold.

And you will find the meaning and the love

that I cannot provide you

and I will travel directions

hitherto unconsidered.

And this mornings' different feeling world

will come to seem familiar

and we will remember one another 

fondly.

 

 

 

A Poem Written While Skating      July 2003

 

The rising tide did not lift me

to a pinnacle above the sea

it left me here with you

wondering what to do

 

like the holdin' of a ticket

in a station, ten minutes

after the train bearing your fate

slowly slipped away

 

but we rejoice when we are desperate

that we are not among the victims

of the rising tide that swallowed them

and washed their names away

 

 

 

Sun May 11

 

What Tara is to Tarahaute

What Tulsa is to Tuscaluga

What sin city is to Cincinnati

What Bonn is to Bonifacious

What Kent is to Kensington

What Reed is to River's Edge

That's what your love 

Is to real love

That's what your care 

Is to comfort.

What rock is to metamorphic

What breath is to atmosphere

What Saturn is to the galactic

What I am to the biosphere

What a mile is to the speed of light

What a watch is to eternity

That's what your love

Is to real love

That's what your concern

Is to caring.

 

 

 

Scratching your back  Jan 2003

 

An hour of scratching your hands and back and arms,

keeping you from vertigo,

an act of friendship and grateful parenthood

and responsibility.

You, fighting to remain coherent,

to assure me of your fortitude, of your manliness.

Beautiful moments.

Satisfying parental recompense.

What a funny thing to outlast your son,

to say, "what if we needed to stay awake,

to walk home through a darkened city

what good would you be?"

and you sitting straight up and saying,

"I'd be good for three hours",

and then dropping back to the pillow

reaching an arm out to be scratched.

What a funny holiday this is.

How unusual to not be alone.

How funny not to be talking to myself.

How great to be necessary,

to be sitting here sipping wine feeling necessary,

feeling like  laughing, smiling, jubilant and peaceful.

You are snoring,

finally at peace with the beers that tormented you earlier.

And I am finally able to acknowledge the beers in my own system.

I can let the dull anesthetic swim of the world overwhelm me

knowing  all is well with the world for now.

Let tomorrow bring what it may the moment rules.

Our magical time together

shortens hour by hour.

But I fell so satisfied 

that this time is not lost with me

but lives on 

inside my son.

I'm not one for sentimentalizing the "blood" thing

but I do appreciate the power of shared experience.

It lives even when you don't,

which, of course, you won't forever.

But the act of shared experience,

the power gained in an experience shared, 

lives on

to be told and shared and used and emboldened

and is, in the end, a testament,

a marker placed in the vast expanse of time,

that living occurred:

joy was experienced,

hopes and dreams were shared,

blood ran through people,

emotions existed,

will was exercised in the great expanse that is wrongly characterized as nothing.

Sleep sweet product of the best intentions of good people.

Sleep a sweet respite

from the nagging questions of wakefulness.

Pass to the awake the burden

of remaining restless

over the questions of the soul,

of the rightness of being,

of the ever-present regret of acting in a world demanding constant compromise.

Sleep while you can.

The final sleep is a long way off

and you will need your strength.

 

 

 

 

Malaysia 2003

Witnessing the transition to self actualized being is an invitation to letting go

In a weird sense it is an invitation to death

the final goal

the invisible barrier

resisted for reasons beyond ourselves 

but not for reasons  real to ourselves.

 

Kuala Lumpur 2003

Getting drunk with your son

Half way 'round the world

Hearing truth emanating

From his lips

Realizing

That you've been a party

To the creation of a whole human being.

How satisfying

How pleasurable

How it finishes a task set out for yourself

So many years ago

What relief, what pride, what accomplishment.

The waning moon engulfs the eternal

The waxing moon stirs and arises hungry

For the whole world.

A man is complete if he witnesses the entirety of the cycle.

The son's hunger replaces the diminishing appetite of the father.

The son's insight augments the narrowing visions of the father.

Balance.

The world is always an unstable place,

Slippery,

things pushing and pulling one off balance.

But balance is all there is

To living.

 

Breath Of A Butterfly   11 07 2002

The breath of a butterfly

The weight of shadows

The strength of a spider's leg

The sound of a feather

The color of crystal

The taste of mist in the air

The softness of the soul of my son

The gentleness of his intention

Up against a world

Of shards

And unmasked fiendishness

And single-minded alleyways

A boy like that

Will tell lies if he needs to

Will drain bottles in pursuit

And smoke bowls in search

Of the place he can feel

The breath of a butterfly

 

On the Day I Die

Rumi  1240 AD

 
On the day I die, when I'm being carried
toward the grave, don't weep. Don't say,
He's gone! He's gone. Death has nothing
to do with going away. The sun sets and
the moon sets, but they're not gone.
Death is a coming together. The tomb
looks like a prison, but it's really
release into union. The human seed goes
down into the ground like a bucket into
the well where Joseph is. It grows and
comes up full of some unimagined beauty.
Your mouth closes here and immediately
opens with a shout of joy there. ]

 

 

Ubiquitous connections 2002 August 18

Ubiquitous connections

Building the cobbler's shoes

Unseen providers

Hidden in walls and floors

Clean water spewing

From a magician's faucet

Invisible electrons

Racing through hidden wires

Exciting the filaments

Turning our nights into days

No more chamber pots

No more firewood for the stove

No more coal for winter heat

No more isolation when you

Can share your voice

Across the world in seconds

The miracles that make us gods

Are hidden in our walls and floors

They are silently paraded

Underground

Or through the vaporous air

To perform when commanded

Like the cobbler we wake up

To warm homes

And well lit closets

And clean toilets

And entertaining boxes

And yet

Unlike the cobbler

We seldom notice

 

 

 

Not dog enough 10 Aug 00

You need someone to

Lick the hand that beats them

Worship the grounds you walk on

Forgive you when you're gone.

Well baby,

Maybe,

But I'm just not dog enough

For your kind of rough.

I ain't that tough

Nor dog enough.

 

 

 

Seeing One Color In White 7-30-00

Metaphors

Must be a safe way

To cloak the truth.

One step removed

But one step better

Than expressing nothing

I am standing under

The heavy end of a waterfall

Trying to catch it

One drop at a time

Blinded by the sun

I seek the vision

To see just one color

In the blaze of white

To find the part of me

Untouched by you

Is just not something

That's possible to do

 

 

How could you let me go.   08 02

I don't buy lottery tickets.

It's just not gonna be me. I'm invisible in the one in a million stadium. 

I do buy the blues and I always thought that this too

just couldn't be me

wouldn't be me.

Every one knew but us, you know, 

every one knew that we, us two, me and you were found to be

bound to be

bound.

Together.

And the last time we split

another final time

who was to know it was for real?

You left.

This time when I said go you went. 

When I said come back you were gone

long gone. 

When I said, "please" 

you patted me on the head and went off to your other man

your other life

forming

crystallizing as we speak

on the curled edges of our fading past.

Imagine this scenario:

a life constantly forming

rearranging

changing apartments

changing direction

filling in the past with a mostly opaque covering of the present.

Imagine

being that past 

being filled in on.  Filled in on.  Filled in on.

Give my regards to the fucking sun

and move on.

I'm an archive. I'm archive man.

Remnant man.

If I retain idealistic hope I could possible achieve kitsch

or less intriguing: remembrance

or better: antiquity

or worst: collectable.

I may someday wash up on a remote beach in Mexico 

to be spied by couples paying dearly to buy a piece of meaning for their pathetic lives.

There I may actually be misconstrued as romantic.

Ok. That really doesn't bother me so much

so much as 

so much of you 

not wanting me. Same thing I guess.

Maybe I'm just confused

feeling used

abused

boozed

unable to fathom how it could be

how you could see

to not see

that its impossible

that given the option of me

you are letting me go.

 

 

 

Truth    2002 08 16

Truth does not cry its' own name from the mountaintop. It does not rise like a thousand birds, simultaneously, slow motion, from Lake Titicaca. Truth is not blind. It does not wear plaid, is not sad or glad or good or bad. It is never pissed off or mad. It is not a movement or fad. Has never been the prerogative of my dad. Oh no, not that. Truth is not obvious. Not ostentatious. Not out there in your face, at the front of the race, carrying roadside flares just in case it's momentum should cease so we could leave it in place like the dearly departed deceased, charging past, no rear-ending, truth everlasting, upending, like snow flakes descending it has no real ending, depending, depending, depending my friend. Truth does not wear yellow sports jackets to nice restaurants. Truth has socks that match if it has socks at all. Truth does not play ball. Truth is a free lunch. It does not heal all wounds. It is not at all like a stinking box of chocolates, each nasty pastel inside a lesson you don't want to learn, a nougat you don't need stuck behind your teeth, each surprise filing enough to turn your stomach upside down, inside out, outside in. Like maps where south is north and, ya, I get the "centrist" message but it still gives me vertigo and what use is truth if you're spewing projectiles? What use is truth if it uses up your life looking for it? What use is truth if you have to burn the planet to find it, move a mountain to see how it's built, drain the sea to see how deep, kill the man in your vain attempt, your tame attempt, your insane attempt, your lame attempt to see a heart beat. The truth will not be advertised. It will not be spun or sung or hung on the shed to dry. It is not obvious. It cannot be seen through any machine. It is not like a bug splattered on a clean windshield holding up a sign saying, "here I am". It is not a bird in your fireplace, a bat in your bedroom, a yellow jacket in your bottle of coke, a dead mouse in your peanut butter waking you up, shaking you up, taking you up to some lofty place that it has prepared for you. Truth cannot be shaken, cannot be shaken though it's often aching, quaking, more often forsaken, it cannot be shaken. It cannot be taken, only given, only then partaken, only then examined, poked and shaken, only then when I tell you mine will you know, for a fact, will you know, if I'm fakin'. Truth cannot be seen through pain. A tooth ache obscures it. It cannot be felt by anyone who drank too much the night before. It cannot be known by those who's' shoes don't fit, who's hemorrhoids don't allow them to sit, who's face sports a zit. It cannot be heard by women with cramps, lonesome children at camps, gaseous gramps, desperate vamps or hungry tramps. The truth cannot be felt or known or heard or seen by anyone or anything. As long as you're living, as long as you try, truth will continue to pass you by. Because, you see, it's really no more than a big fat lie.

 

 

 

 

2000 06 20 A moment in my tree

I sat in my tree tonight

With the pastel frosting of sunset

Covering the dark green forest below

It was so sweet

It reminded me

Of melancholy, bittersweet

Times of my youth

And my head was my own again

{for a moment}.

 

 

 report to anne   13 aug 95   Scott Hagg

 

skated in the rain today  

felt like something I used to do

even before the rain

the air was wet

dark wet

warm, sticky wet

womb wet

primordial wet

and then the rain came like a baptism

realizing it's potential

a warm gush from the heavens

wet

wet like desire

mother nature's tepid invitation

and I skated, hydroplaning, eagerly obliging

mouth open

drinking the wet that drenched me

spinning through the thick curtain of water

happy

in an insane kind of way

happy

to be happy that way again

finding the pavement like ice

frictionless

more water than street to deal with it

standing water

becoming instant lakes

the darkened day illuminated by lightening

the stillness illuminated by gusting wind

I was illuminated by sensuality

the machine of muscle cooled by the reassurance of mother ocean

all the mouths of my body that open to water

gurgling, spurting, laughing

singing as they held aloft this brain

pleasing it with tricks

and dances born of ecstasy

once again balance became god

and I was determined

to dance a water dance

until the rain stopped

or the walkman was destroyed.

 

 

 

Untitled    by Tangie A.

 

In my mind
I've already been there
I remember smelling the salt in your hair

When even your skin
Tasted like the beach
I remember not being
Just out of reach

In Isla Mujeres
We met for a night
The waves whispered to us

You are here
This is right

I find myself unable
To continue or end
Or perhaps I'm unwilling
To stop remembering when

On the island of women
We met in my mind
When there was nothing or no one
To leave behind

When your world
And my world
Did not collide

I will remember it always
But only in my mind.

 

 

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